How to Deal With a Cheating Spouse

If you’re dealing with a cheating partner, let me start by assuring you there is no “right” way to feel. 

It’s important that you remember that you didn’t cause this and their cheating (no matter what they tell you) is not your fault. It’s their issue, and you don’t need to feel guilty because of their actions. 

It can be challenging to stay positive and calm, but these tips will help you navigate the difficult conversations and decisions you’ll have to make now that their cheating has been revealed. 

Helpful Tips for Dealing with a Cheating Spouse or Partner

Use these tips to help you maintain control and positively deal with the situation. 

1. Wait to speak to your spouse for a few days until you are emotionally calm.
   
   If your emotions are triggered to a 3 or 4 out of 10, you might practice breathwork, mindfulness, and potentially yoga. These are all practices that help regulate the parts of your brain, like the amygdala.
   
2. Once you feel ready to speak to your cheating spouse, write down the key points you want to discuss.
   
   This will help you remain as calm as possible. Stay curious, you know he/she cheated but it is crucial to understand how many times, why they cheated and perhaps any medical history you may require so you don’t end up with an STD.
   
3. Invite a neutral third party to mediate.

When tensions and feelings run high, it can be helpful to have a therapist or certified coach present to maintain calm and make sure each side is heard. 

Things to Avoid When Dealing with a Cheating Spouse or Partner

Follow these guidelines to avoid unnecessary pain, negativity, and problems.

1. Don’t respond immediately to the news. 

Wait until you can calm down enough to start thinking straight.

2. Don’t send offensive text messages.

I know it’s hard, but you don’t want what you share while hurting later. Act with honor and try to rise above the betrayal for your own safety.

3. Don’t tell all your friends what happened.

Chances are what you share will get back to them because others feed off drama and conflict. Save yourself the extra headache and don’t share. 

4. If you have children, try to keep their life as normal as possible during this period of healing.

Kids can be traumatized later in life after witnessing how you both handle yourself. Remember they are watching you.

You Don’t Have to Navigate Cheating On Your Own

While you don’t want your friends and family involved in the details of the cheating and drama with your partner, you don’t have to manage the entire process on your own.

Having one confidant you can trust is often helpful, and I highly suggest relying on a therapist or certified coach who can empathize, maintain neutrality, and support you without increasing the conflict. 

If you’d like to work with someone who has lived through betrayal (more than once) and learned how to thrive after the worst hurt, I’d love to hear from you.